End of Journey

Assalamualaikum..
I posted this,my muaddal for graduation :')
Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah..
Cannot say with words how grateful I am.
Like all the hard works finally pay off.
All those tears haha... All the worries I gave to myself and my parents and all the laughter and happiness.
I dont post this to show off. No. Never. I dont have that kind of intention at all.
I posted this as a token of reminder, so that later in the future if I am feeling down, I can always remember that there have been days when I am actually happy and proud with myself.
All of these came from Allah and not myself.
And I am eternally grateful.
Amin...
And thanks everyone who have prayed for me :)
Getting Mumtaz is something that I have been wishing for.
And thanks Allah for giving it to me.

so then i decided to run more,laugh more then cry more

then i saw that a heart can always be broken

and can always be mended

and cloud will always move

like a bad day would

-thoughts and thinking-

Too Busy

It's been such a busy days.
These past few days.
Phew..
Can only be calm after I've settled all my things that need to be posted to Malaysia.

Waking Up

At times, it felt so hard to even wake up.
To face another day.
And at times, it felt so great to wake up.
To get another day.
Another chance.
To make things right.
To make things better.
To be better.
And as for today, I am grateful.
That I am still alive.
Sincerely,
By me.

Imbalance

Assalamualaikum :)
May peace be upon you!
Final exams is nearing the end fuhh..
Have straight 3 papers from 18-20/6 and I am so damn tired.
This time, I dont know why but I feel like there are sooooOOOOoo many challenges.
I have problem with several people and most importantly, I dont have a peaceful heart. To the point that I have to, hmmm... let just say several people knew what I've done and all. I dont know why. Whether it is because of hormonal imbalance or what.

I still dont have a peaceful heart. Even now. Just after maghrib I've read the Quran and there is an ayat about how this life and everything that Allah gives is only for a while,only in this dunya and all the things that we love is not for forever. And the life in hereafter,with Allah is the one that last forever. And I cry. Mainly because I felt like I want to return to Him. I felt like, I really want to be in that good place,with Allah :( but I have sinned so many times. I'm so ashamed to ask even for that very rightful place with Allah. At a point, I feel like many things in life are pointless. Like, shouldnt I just strive for jannah but then yes,you cant achieve the jannah that easy..life is a pathway to jannah. Allah..

I want that rightful place, with Allah. I want all those things that last forever. I think I'm being tested now, whether my heart is strong or not, to face challenges. Most of the problems have been settled alhamdulillah :) but still, I dont feel good. And I keep crying while reading the Quran. I feel so immature lately. Feeling sad over the pettiest things. I dont even care about it before. And I keep getting the feelings that people dont love me, that people are ignoring me and so on. And it makes me sad. And I hate that feelings, it comes with lots of bad thoughts.

Need to grow up faster maybe.

Leaving

Thinking back, I feel like I want to run away.
Can I? I hate where I am right now, I mean the situation I'm in right now.
I just HATE it!

Hypocrite

Sometimes we have to realize that not everyone are meant to stay in our life.
Some people are meant to come and go.
Even though your friend.
Lately I've realized and come to a conclusion, I CANNOT depend on a PERSON.
I mean, well, they come and then go.
Your friend can easily replace you with someone else.
Your friend find and need you only when they need something else.
Then some of them dispose you. Make like you didnt exist.
I am TIRED with this kind of people.
I dont want hypocrite people, hypocrite friendship.
I dont want people who use me.
I dont want and dont need all of that.

Sometimes... I just wish these people would just GO.
End of story.   xc

Hard Month

Assalamualaikum...
 Tak tahu nak kata macam mana tapi walaupun baru awal bulan terasa ada sangat la banyak ujian Allah bagi. Dan terasa macam maybe ni semua kafarah dosa sendiri yang x jaga hubungan dengan Allah baik2 huhu... Rasa macam,padan muka,kan banyak hubungan dengan manusia pula Allah uji. Tapi malas nak serabut kepala, so kita fikir yang baik2 je dan jaga je la hubungan dengan Allah tu. Nak improve, nak jadi lagi baik, tapi memang la,mana pernah orang cakap nak jadi baik tu senang kan?

mahularijauhjauh

I Just Dont Like it Then

Being a normal and full with feelings human being, of course there are several things I didnt like. Oh,because I sometimes can be quite ungrateful so there are plenty of things I didnt like. One of it is people keep saying and telling me about my weakness and make fun of it. I REALLY really cant accept it. For ex: Hanum is so loser,how cant she didnt know how to bake a cake <<< only example.

I dont like it when people are like throwing it in my face. Yes I get it. I'm not good at that so just let me know privately. Didnt need to say it out loud repeatedly and make fun of it. I'm not stupid or deaf duh..

That kind of things did hurt my heart and what I hate is then I start saying things I didnt mean to. It's because I'm hurt and to hide it I start to hurt the other person back. I dont like this kind of feelings! I dont like it when I end up hurting other people's feeling :(

I dont like what people call as 'ungkit' my mistakes,weakness etc. Hey I am a human after all. I am not perfect. There are things I'm not good at.

Please dont expect me to be perfect. I'm farrrr from that.

Life Is Confusing

Just when you tell everyone else that what you believe in was A when in fact all you ever want in this world is Z. I want it so badly sometimes I think my heart would burst out -hyperbola only-

But then I realized,oh yes,there are several things in this world that no matter how much you wish you would get but then you still will never get it. And as for me, this is it. I will never get this. So life goes on.

It always does,right???

-What you think is the best for you might not be it. Allah knows the best Hanum, Allah knows the best-

Hard

Assalamualaikum and hello there.
I'm actually updatig the blog from phone which kinda hard and messy and slow but whatevs.
I've been asking myself several questions. Am I ready for this,for that or not? So many things I'm not sure about. And there are several things I really want to forget but then my heart and mind are not agreeing with me and seems to have mind on their own. Sometimes I felt like slapping myself and then said, FORGETTT!!!
I cannot wait for graduation. There are several things I cant wait to say goodbye to and I cant wait to see my family again and friends in Malaysia. I'll be able to sort several things out too insyaAllah.

Sorry for lots of ramblings. Need to run for the next class.
Till next time then. Wassalam.

Throwback Tuesday #1

Kawan2 sekolah menengah! Rindunya dekat semua orang :'( Rasanya ni la kali terakhir jumpa semua orang, masa jamuan kelas 5 Karomah dekat restoran rumah Farid. Semua orang dah besar sekarang,ada yang dah nak habis belajar,ada yang belajar kat Malaysia, Jordan, Australia. Moga jadi plan nak iftor bersama bulan 7 ni insyaAllah biiznillah...

-hari ni exam Ilmu Usul Fiqh.alhamdulillah dr bagi soalan multiple choice dgn soh khoto' je.moga dapat yg terbaik,amin...thanks semua yg mendoakan-

Happy Belated Birthday Beloved Housemate!

9hb April 2014 haritu celebrate birthday budak seorang ni,yang sebenarnya nak buat surprise tapi tak jadi,tensi haha... Walaupun dah agak lama nak buat macam penghargaan (?) sikit utk org ni. My friend who knows how moody and crazy I can get sometimes and still be patient with it :) She will listen all crazy rambles I told her, accompany me,help me choose when I'm buying something. We even have same taste in sooo many things,can finish each other sentences without having to tell it all. We fight with each other too. In many occasion she is actually my strength but I dont tell her that hehe...

So,that lucky girl is..... Mardiana Mustafah! Hehe... Happy 22th birthday!

 

Semoga Mar panjang umur,bertambah rezeki dan diberkati Allah selalu. Semoga dapat grad dengan mumtaz, cepat2 dapat kerja dan jumpa jodoh :P Thanks for everything. Sorry selalu garang dekat Mar haha... Ok la. malas tulis panjang2. Makin geli nanti. These are only parts of us together. What there are not in camera will always be in heart and mind insyaAllah..

Coming Back

Assalamualaikum my dear blog!
It's been way too long since I've last updated this not-so-updated blog.
Time flies really fast,so many things happened. And I think because nowadays there are so many modern technology ex. smartphone that I often write things that happened in virtual diary on phone and less on real diary and blog. It is easier that way anyway.

I am in my last semester already,insyaAllah will be graduating this June biiznillah. How time flies! I'm already a last year student. This is by far the hardest semester. SOooo many problems happened such as with studies,people around me,family etc. Sometimes I felt like I cannot deal with any of it anymore. But I just need to get going, going through each day hoping Allah will gives me more strength. There is a saying,

"When Allah loves someone, He will inflict upon that person with trials"

So I am being positive by thinking that this means Allah loves me.

By being last year student, am I getting more matured? Nah. I'll leave it for you to judge :)