Throwback Tuesday #1

Kawan2 sekolah menengah! Rindunya dekat semua orang :'( Rasanya ni la kali terakhir jumpa semua orang, masa jamuan kelas 5 Karomah dekat restoran rumah Farid. Semua orang dah besar sekarang,ada yang dah nak habis belajar,ada yang belajar kat Malaysia, Jordan, Australia. Moga jadi plan nak iftor bersama bulan 7 ni insyaAllah biiznillah...

-hari ni exam Ilmu Usul Fiqh.alhamdulillah dr bagi soalan multiple choice dgn soh khoto' je.moga dapat yg terbaik,amin...thanks semua yg mendoakan-

Happy Belated Birthday Beloved Housemate!

9hb April 2014 haritu celebrate birthday budak seorang ni,yang sebenarnya nak buat surprise tapi tak jadi,tensi haha... Walaupun dah agak lama nak buat macam penghargaan (?) sikit utk org ni. My friend who knows how moody and crazy I can get sometimes and still be patient with it :) She will listen all crazy rambles I told her, accompany me,help me choose when I'm buying something. We even have same taste in sooo many things,can finish each other sentences without having to tell it all. We fight with each other too. In many occasion she is actually my strength but I dont tell her that hehe...

So,that lucky girl is..... Mardiana Mustafah! Hehe... Happy 22th birthday!

 

Semoga Mar panjang umur,bertambah rezeki dan diberkati Allah selalu. Semoga dapat grad dengan mumtaz, cepat2 dapat kerja dan jumpa jodoh :P Thanks for everything. Sorry selalu garang dekat Mar haha... Ok la. malas tulis panjang2. Makin geli nanti. These are only parts of us together. What there are not in camera will always be in heart and mind insyaAllah..

Coming Back

Assalamualaikum my dear blog!
It's been way too long since I've last updated this not-so-updated blog.
Time flies really fast,so many things happened. And I think because nowadays there are so many modern technology ex. smartphone that I often write things that happened in virtual diary on phone and less on real diary and blog. It is easier that way anyway.

I am in my last semester already,insyaAllah will be graduating this June biiznillah. How time flies! I'm already a last year student. This is by far the hardest semester. SOooo many problems happened such as with studies,people around me,family etc. Sometimes I felt like I cannot deal with any of it anymore. But I just need to get going, going through each day hoping Allah will gives me more strength. There is a saying,

"When Allah loves someone, He will inflict upon that person with trials"

So I am being positive by thinking that this means Allah loves me.

By being last year student, am I getting more matured? Nah. I'll leave it for you to judge :)

Alone in a Lonely Street

Assalamualaikum....
Yes it's been such a hard phase lately, the moody and feeling down lately.
Actually,because of these not-so-good feelings,I've been praying especially in solat,so that I can be husnuzzon always with everything,all things Allah has planed,all people around me but centainly I'm not feeling better.

It's not much but it's just the feeling that you are not needed,that people didnt notice you exist,didnt notice you have problems,the feelings that people dont care at all whatever happen to you. Yes,I'm feeling that,with most people and things around me. Like,for example, before this, earlier on, when I'm still new in 'tarbiyah', I remembered so many sisters came to me and keep asking if I have problems etc but nowadays,yeah,there was barely anyone (except for my current murobbi) and I understand that everyone is busy and I'm in the phase in which,I cannot be too soft on myself, I need to be strong.

But seriously I'm a normal human being and sometimes life is wearing me,taking me down.And there are so many things I've done,wrote just to show my cry for help and rarely a person come and ask for my problems. And then I remembered how a friend have wrote in her FB's status,claiming that she has problems and dozens of people came and asked her what her problems is,giving her support and I didnt get any of that.

And I keep wondering,am I unworthy now?I feel like people rarely see how hard I try,how hard I'm doing my job and then,another person who rarely do much get so much appraisal. I dont want any of that because I know it's enough as long as Allah knows what you are doing and appreciate it. We do things in the sake of Allah but still,I feel alone.Never have I feel this alone. I'm also feeling that ukhuwah people show me are not real. Ah!! Why am I having all these bad thoughts T_T


I realized that people are judging me more and more. An some people may think I'm not good enough but I'm trying. It's tiring being good and know how underappreciated you are.Some of it are mayb my own mistake.Maybe I'm not taking care my ukhuwah with others nicely so that's why people didnt do the same for me. Life is hard,even more when you are alone. And this is making me feeling a little bit futur which is not god.Nauzubillah.Allah,gives me strength,to see the good in people and dosomething good for others :)

Alone

It's sad,when you think that someone would finally notice you.
And in the end,they dont.
You are just standing in the same place,left alone in the dark.

And it's sad,when you have think too much and in the end be left ignored.
Alone and alone.
Like usual.
Always.

-yes,hate is better-

Tersentuh

“waktu yang aku perlu habiskan untuk menulis buku, aku gunakan untuk membentuk seratus pemuda Islam. Setiap orang daripada mereka akan menjadi sebuah buku yang hidup, bercakap, beramal dan meninggalkan kesan. Aku hantarkan setiap orang daripada mereka ke sebuah Negara daripada Negara-negara Islam, lalu mereka membentuk para pemuda di situ sebagaimana aku membentuk mereka.” 

(Imam Hassan Al-Banna)

Beratnya Jahiliyyah

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way

Assalamualaikum..

Erk, memang nampak macam agak lagho di situ sebab tiba-tiba guna lirik lagu pulak.

Tapi bukan sebab nak lagu semata-mata tapi aku suka lirik dia (yang part ni je la,part lain tak) sebab boleh relate dengan diri sendiri kot.

Every time aku rasa down dengan diri sendiri, dengan jahiliyyah diri yang berkepuk-kepuk susah nak dibuang, aku mesti teringat lirik ni :'(

Terasa sangat la susah. Susahnya mujahadah. Susahnya ingin berubah. Semua tu hanya Allah je yang tahu. Penyesalan. Rasa memang macam itu antara benda yang sangat2 la menghantui diri. Sedar perbuatan tu satu dosa. Tapi masih buat. Allah...

Berat. Berat bila diri dah tahu, bila diri dah sedar. Jahiliyyah yang kalau dulu tak terasa besar ujiannya, tapi bila nak ditinggalkan semakin berat rasa. Semakin diuji dengan hebatnya *lap air mata*

Rasa risau. Allah masih bagi chance sekarang, masih bagi peluang. Kalau tiba2 nyawa ditarik,macam mana? Menyesal pun tak berguna lagi :( Rasa tak layak dapat semua nikmat yang Allah bagi sekarang, yang Allah masih bagi. Aku sebagai hamba tak betul betul laksanakan tanggungjawab hamba. Layakkah aku nak terus meminta??

'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me

Ya,tulah yang aku sering rasakan. Syurga terasa jauh dengan diri yang masih banyak kejahatan :'(

Lirik:Florence and The Machine (Shake it out)