I Just Dont Like it Then

Being a normal and full with feelings human being, of course there are several things I didnt like. Oh,because I sometimes can be quite ungrateful so there are plenty of things I didnt like. One of it is people keep saying and telling me about my weakness and make fun of it. I REALLY really cant accept it. For ex: Hanum is so loser,how cant she didnt know how to bake a cake <<< only example.

I dont like it when people are like throwing it in my face. Yes I get it. I'm not good at that so just let me know privately. Didnt need to say it out loud repeatedly and make fun of it. I'm not stupid or deaf duh..

That kind of things did hurt my heart and what I hate is then I start saying things I didnt mean to. It's because I'm hurt and to hide it I start to hurt the other person back. I dont like this kind of feelings! I dont like it when I end up hurting other people's feeling :(

I dont like what people call as 'ungkit' my mistakes,weakness etc. Hey I am a human after all. I am not perfect. There are things I'm not good at.

Please dont expect me to be perfect. I'm farrrr from that.

Life Is Confusing

Just when you tell everyone else that what you believe in was A when in fact all you ever want in this world is Z. I want it so badly sometimes I think my heart would burst out -hyperbola only-

But then I realized,oh yes,there are several things in this world that no matter how much you wish you would get but then you still will never get it. And as for me, this is it. I will never get this. So life goes on.

It always does,right???

-What you think is the best for you might not be it. Allah knows the best Hanum, Allah knows the best-

Hard

Assalamualaikum and hello there.
I'm actually updatig the blog from phone which kinda hard and messy and slow but whatevs.
I've been asking myself several questions. Am I ready for this,for that or not? So many things I'm not sure about. And there are several things I really want to forget but then my heart and mind are not agreeing with me and seems to have mind on their own. Sometimes I felt like slapping myself and then said, FORGETTT!!!
I cannot wait for graduation. There are several things I cant wait to say goodbye to and I cant wait to see my family again and friends in Malaysia. I'll be able to sort several things out too insyaAllah.

Sorry for lots of ramblings. Need to run for the next class.
Till next time then. Wassalam.

Throwback Tuesday #1

Kawan2 sekolah menengah! Rindunya dekat semua orang :'( Rasanya ni la kali terakhir jumpa semua orang, masa jamuan kelas 5 Karomah dekat restoran rumah Farid. Semua orang dah besar sekarang,ada yang dah nak habis belajar,ada yang belajar kat Malaysia, Jordan, Australia. Moga jadi plan nak iftor bersama bulan 7 ni insyaAllah biiznillah...

-hari ni exam Ilmu Usul Fiqh.alhamdulillah dr bagi soalan multiple choice dgn soh khoto' je.moga dapat yg terbaik,amin...thanks semua yg mendoakan-

Happy Belated Birthday Beloved Housemate!

9hb April 2014 haritu celebrate birthday budak seorang ni,yang sebenarnya nak buat surprise tapi tak jadi,tensi haha... Walaupun dah agak lama nak buat macam penghargaan (?) sikit utk org ni. My friend who knows how moody and crazy I can get sometimes and still be patient with it :) She will listen all crazy rambles I told her, accompany me,help me choose when I'm buying something. We even have same taste in sooo many things,can finish each other sentences without having to tell it all. We fight with each other too. In many occasion she is actually my strength but I dont tell her that hehe...

So,that lucky girl is..... Mardiana Mustafah! Hehe... Happy 22th birthday!

 

Semoga Mar panjang umur,bertambah rezeki dan diberkati Allah selalu. Semoga dapat grad dengan mumtaz, cepat2 dapat kerja dan jumpa jodoh :P Thanks for everything. Sorry selalu garang dekat Mar haha... Ok la. malas tulis panjang2. Makin geli nanti. These are only parts of us together. What there are not in camera will always be in heart and mind insyaAllah..

Coming Back

Assalamualaikum my dear blog!
It's been way too long since I've last updated this not-so-updated blog.
Time flies really fast,so many things happened. And I think because nowadays there are so many modern technology ex. smartphone that I often write things that happened in virtual diary on phone and less on real diary and blog. It is easier that way anyway.

I am in my last semester already,insyaAllah will be graduating this June biiznillah. How time flies! I'm already a last year student. This is by far the hardest semester. SOooo many problems happened such as with studies,people around me,family etc. Sometimes I felt like I cannot deal with any of it anymore. But I just need to get going, going through each day hoping Allah will gives me more strength. There is a saying,

"When Allah loves someone, He will inflict upon that person with trials"

So I am being positive by thinking that this means Allah loves me.

By being last year student, am I getting more matured? Nah. I'll leave it for you to judge :)

Alone in a Lonely Street

Assalamualaikum....
Yes it's been such a hard phase lately, the moody and feeling down lately.
Actually,because of these not-so-good feelings,I've been praying especially in solat,so that I can be husnuzzon always with everything,all things Allah has planed,all people around me but centainly I'm not feeling better.

It's not much but it's just the feeling that you are not needed,that people didnt notice you exist,didnt notice you have problems,the feelings that people dont care at all whatever happen to you. Yes,I'm feeling that,with most people and things around me. Like,for example, before this, earlier on, when I'm still new in 'tarbiyah', I remembered so many sisters came to me and keep asking if I have problems etc but nowadays,yeah,there was barely anyone (except for my current murobbi) and I understand that everyone is busy and I'm in the phase in which,I cannot be too soft on myself, I need to be strong.

But seriously I'm a normal human being and sometimes life is wearing me,taking me down.And there are so many things I've done,wrote just to show my cry for help and rarely a person come and ask for my problems. And then I remembered how a friend have wrote in her FB's status,claiming that she has problems and dozens of people came and asked her what her problems is,giving her support and I didnt get any of that.

And I keep wondering,am I unworthy now?I feel like people rarely see how hard I try,how hard I'm doing my job and then,another person who rarely do much get so much appraisal. I dont want any of that because I know it's enough as long as Allah knows what you are doing and appreciate it. We do things in the sake of Allah but still,I feel alone.Never have I feel this alone. I'm also feeling that ukhuwah people show me are not real. Ah!! Why am I having all these bad thoughts T_T


I realized that people are judging me more and more. An some people may think I'm not good enough but I'm trying. It's tiring being good and know how underappreciated you are.Some of it are mayb my own mistake.Maybe I'm not taking care my ukhuwah with others nicely so that's why people didnt do the same for me. Life is hard,even more when you are alone. And this is making me feeling a little bit futur which is not god.Nauzubillah.Allah,gives me strength,to see the good in people and dosomething good for others :)