Waking Up

At times, it felt so hard to even wake up.
To face another day.
And at times, it felt so great to wake up.
To get another day.
Another chance.
To make things right.
To make things better.
To be better.
And as for today, I am grateful.
That I am still alive.
Sincerely,
By me.

Imbalance

Assalamualaikum :)
May peace be upon you!
Final exams is nearing the end fuhh..
Have straight 3 papers from 18-20/6 and I am so damn tired.
This time, I dont know why but I feel like there are sooooOOOOoo many challenges.
I have problem with several people and most importantly, I dont have a peaceful heart. To the point that I have to, hmmm... let just say several people knew what I've done and all. I dont know why. Whether it is because of hormonal imbalance or what.

I still dont have a peaceful heart. Even now. Just after maghrib I've read the Quran and there is an ayat about how this life and everything that Allah gives is only for a while,only in this dunya and all the things that we love is not for forever. And the life in hereafter,with Allah is the one that last forever. And I cry. Mainly because I felt like I want to return to Him. I felt like, I really want to be in that good place,with Allah :( but I have sinned so many times. I'm so ashamed to ask even for that very rightful place with Allah. At a point, I feel like many things in life are pointless. Like, shouldnt I just strive for jannah but then yes,you cant achieve the jannah that easy..life is a pathway to jannah. Allah..

I want that rightful place, with Allah. I want all those things that last forever. I think I'm being tested now, whether my heart is strong or not, to face challenges. Most of the problems have been settled alhamdulillah :) but still, I dont feel good. And I keep crying while reading the Quran. I feel so immature lately. Feeling sad over the pettiest things. I dont even care about it before. And I keep getting the feelings that people dont love me, that people are ignoring me and so on. And it makes me sad. And I hate that feelings, it comes with lots of bad thoughts.

Need to grow up faster maybe.

Leaving

Thinking back, I feel like I want to run away.
Can I? I hate where I am right now, I mean the situation I'm in right now.
I just HATE it!

Hypocrite

Sometimes we have to realize that not everyone are meant to stay in our life.
Some people are meant to come and go.
Even though your friend.
Lately I've realized and come to a conclusion, I CANNOT depend on a PERSON.
I mean, well, they come and then go.
Your friend can easily replace you with someone else.
Your friend find and need you only when they need something else.
Then some of them dispose you. Make like you didnt exist.
I am TIRED with this kind of people.
I dont want hypocrite people, hypocrite friendship.
I dont want people who use me.
I dont want and dont need all of that.

Sometimes... I just wish these people would just GO.
End of story.   xc

Hard Month

Assalamualaikum...
 Tak tahu nak kata macam mana tapi walaupun baru awal bulan terasa ada sangat la banyak ujian Allah bagi. Dan terasa macam maybe ni semua kafarah dosa sendiri yang x jaga hubungan dengan Allah baik2 huhu... Rasa macam,padan muka,kan banyak hubungan dengan manusia pula Allah uji. Tapi malas nak serabut kepala, so kita fikir yang baik2 je dan jaga je la hubungan dengan Allah tu. Nak improve, nak jadi lagi baik, tapi memang la,mana pernah orang cakap nak jadi baik tu senang kan?

mahularijauhjauh

I Just Dont Like it Then

Being a normal and full with feelings human being, of course there are several things I didnt like. Oh,because I sometimes can be quite ungrateful so there are plenty of things I didnt like. One of it is people keep saying and telling me about my weakness and make fun of it. I REALLY really cant accept it. For ex: Hanum is so loser,how cant she didnt know how to bake a cake <<< only example.

I dont like it when people are like throwing it in my face. Yes I get it. I'm not good at that so just let me know privately. Didnt need to say it out loud repeatedly and make fun of it. I'm not stupid or deaf duh..

That kind of things did hurt my heart and what I hate is then I start saying things I didnt mean to. It's because I'm hurt and to hide it I start to hurt the other person back. I dont like this kind of feelings! I dont like it when I end up hurting other people's feeling :(

I dont like what people call as 'ungkit' my mistakes,weakness etc. Hey I am a human after all. I am not perfect. There are things I'm not good at.

Please dont expect me to be perfect. I'm farrrr from that.

Life Is Confusing

Just when you tell everyone else that what you believe in was A when in fact all you ever want in this world is Z. I want it so badly sometimes I think my heart would burst out -hyperbola only-

But then I realized,oh yes,there are several things in this world that no matter how much you wish you would get but then you still will never get it. And as for me, this is it. I will never get this. So life goes on.

It always does,right???

-What you think is the best for you might not be it. Allah knows the best Hanum, Allah knows the best-