Susahnya Membina Thiqah

Assalamualaikum..
This would be my first post after returning from my two weeks trip to UK.
Still tired and maybe I'll write later about my experiences and journey there :)

Thiqah? What it is? For you who didnt know,thiqah is and an Arabic's word and it means trust.
And yes,I know that many of you will agree with me that it's hard to build your trust on someone,to decide whether you could confide your secrets to that particular person,to tell your stories to them,to think of them as someone close to you and so on..

As for me,because of several really bad experiences with people involving trust, I find it hard to trust someone. And at this point, even when I'm close with someone, I still find it hard to trust them. And for me,it need just a simple lie,one simple lie to make my trust in someone fade completely. I really HATE it when someone lie to me. There is one point in life,when I think that my life is full with lies, I cannot even see what is the truth and what is not and I started to hate almost everyone around me. That is how bad it is.

The first step in the process of knowing someone, you'll decide whether they are suitable to be your friends or not, whether you can get along nicely with them or not. I have many friends. I love making new friends and once people really know me, they'll know how easy I am to talk to. But still, I find it hard to trust someone, whether I could them anything personal about me,about my life. Being me,even telling people about my family is kind of hard and personal and I've struggled with it all my life. So,when I trust someone, I give them the half-full trust. And when I've already gave someone the full trust I rarely gave, it's really easy to break them.

When you decided to trust someone, you first see all qualities they have; can they keep your secrets safe, can they understand you?, will they be a good listener?, will they share anything about them with you ( I also cant trust someone who keeps everything to themselves and expect only me to be the one telling everything) and many more.

And of course, first thing first to build a good trust on someone, you'll need to build a really good relationship with them,being a really good friend with them. Without a strong ukhuwwah, how can you build the trust right? :)

And now, I'm in the process of learning, learning on how to build my trust on someone, make somebody else trust me too, how to build a good ukhuwwah with someone. Before this I never cared too much,about having a good relationship,building ukhuwwah with someone I dont know but now, I've saw more of Islam,I've known more so I want to meet more new people, want to build more trust,want to have a rather sweet ukhuwwah with new people. It's not hard especially when I'm thinking I'm doing it in favor with what Allah wants ^___^

During my jaulah to UK,I've felt how sweet ukhuwwah can be. How easy to be closed with someone you rarely know, to share something intimate with them and more. It happened easily because we always think of doing it because of Allah.

Me,who find it hard to trust someone,and still finding it hard even now, is slowly starting to open up,want to walk faster,want to know more,learn more,share more with others. I want to be better and it's start by building trust and ukhuwwah with others,improving myself,improving my relationship with Allah too :)

Hope that Allah will help me, will help us all,insyaAllah..