bila diri ini terjatuh

salam...sori sebab tajuk kedengaran mcm poyo dan bajet sikit,ala2 macam tjuk novel pun ada tp tu lah kebenarannya,aku x mnipu

sejak dua menjak ni,x dinafikan yg smngt dlm diri sdikit rapuh,x tahu knpa.dan akhirnya gugur juga mutiara pada satu pagi time bercakap dgn umi.haish,mcm kanak2 riang ria ribena je *bukan riang ria raya,raya lmbt lagi! *
tapi sbenarnya,bile dah puas mmbuang segala mutiara yg patut,rasa lega sikit,mcm dah kurg beban di dada.x dinafikan lah,dduk blajar di Jordan ni mmg mncbr,lagi2 utk org macam aku.x prnh brpisah dgn family,x prnh hidup sndiri.and kne blajar dkt Jordan yg guna Bahasa Arab 95 peratus sbgai bhasa perbualan!aku dah lah x mint ARAB!dulu kalau abah suruh prgi belajar negara Arab,mesti aku gelak2,ckp mustahil!aku yg byk kkurangan,x lyk ambil bhagian agama,tu lah yg ada jauh dlm sudut hati aku.rasa diri ni byk dosa,x lyk utk mmbimbing org lain

tetapi,sehebat-hebat perancangan kita,perancangan ALLAH lagi hebat!sape sngke,pergi Jordan pulak aku utk mlnjutkan pljrn,dlm bidg yg lain jgk la dr ape yg aku mint.mule2,hati ni mmbrontak.smpai skrg pun,adakalanya time sush,aku msih persoalkan kputusan aku bljr kt sini,biasalah manusia,time susah baru ingat ALLAH

rasa bersalah sbb aku slalu mrungut,mengatakan diri x mmpu,mnyesal je kerjanya dah smpai sini,pdhl x reti nk brsyukur
rmai org yg nk dtg cni x dpt peluang sama,rmai org x dpt smbung blaja sbb xde duit,aku lak sng2 je smbung blajar,free pulak tu.sometimes,mmg sush nk brsyukur,ckp sng nk buat tu susah

rasa byk sgt khilaf aku ni,dosa lg lah,jgn ckp,astaghfirullahalazim....
rasa bersalah buat umi and abah risau hari tu
rasa bersalah sbb asyk ckp mnyesal dan nk balik msia
rasa bersalah sbb slalu ckp xnk dduk cni lg
rasa bersalah sbb diri aku ni x hbis2 ulang mistake yg sama

please pray the best for me and insyaALLAH,because of ALLAH,i will try my best :)

wassalam...

words dont come out but the heart does feel...

salam...
the second week of second sem has passed by,okay so far
so far so good,yeah,kinda but urghh,i dont like the fact that there is new building for Economic Faculty,so far away and on Monday and Wednesday,i have a class at Syariah Faculty straight after class at the so-called new Economic building
so after my Mathematical Economics class,i run like crazy to my next class and i arrived at the next class looking like crazy people *haha,my opinion only,other people dont even realize*

lately,i dont know why but my spirit is kinda down
i meant,i was always,i repeat,ALWAYS thinking about going back to Malaysia and just continue my study there.heh,silly thinking right?i was skyping*oho,skyping,new English term 0_o * with my mum and was telling her, 'i wanna go back,i dont like it here.if only i know,i would just continue my study in Malaysia* and my mum just keep silent and try to lift my spirit
i think i was being like GEDIK, i dont meant a thing that i said
i like Jordan,i do LIKE it.maybe because i'm not feeling well,and when u are far away from family,u are feeling like that
i'm afraid i'm making my mum worry with my constant whining =__='

yeah,on the outside,i seem strong but there is so many days and time when i feel like just giving up
stop doing what i'm doing now
sometimes i feel like screaming but in the end,i still move on
because i have faith,i have ISLAM,i have ALLAH and i have all people that love me by my side,always supporting me,alhamdulillah...

so,till we meet again!
wassalam....

despicable me,urghh =_='

salam..

why the title is like that?it's because its true,i'm despicable and sometimes i even despise myself =='

wanna know why?it's because i keep on repeating the same old mistake

i'm feeling guilty to all people around me sometimes because all the sins that i've done

i really hope i would change for better

i dont want to continue being like this

sometimes,we dont even realize about the sins that we do because it was part of our routined life

bad right?sometimes,people around us all do it so we didnt realize that it was a sins

like our aurat,how we interact with the opposite gender,our attitude with parents,family and friends

i've done so many mistake and if only i could revert it all ='(

everyone do mistake but things became worse if we keep repeating it

sadly,i always do that

i pray that ALLAH will give me strength to change,to become a better person in everything that i do

insyaALLAH