bila diri ini terjatuh

salam...sori sebab tajuk kedengaran mcm poyo dan bajet sikit,ala2 macam tjuk novel pun ada tp tu lah kebenarannya,aku x mnipu

sejak dua menjak ni,x dinafikan yg smngt dlm diri sdikit rapuh,x tahu knpa.dan akhirnya gugur juga mutiara pada satu pagi time bercakap dgn umi.haish,mcm kanak2 riang ria ribena je *bukan riang ria raya,raya lmbt lagi! *
tapi sbenarnya,bile dah puas mmbuang segala mutiara yg patut,rasa lega sikit,mcm dah kurg beban di dada.x dinafikan lah,dduk blajar di Jordan ni mmg mncbr,lagi2 utk org macam aku.x prnh brpisah dgn family,x prnh hidup sndiri.and kne blajar dkt Jordan yg guna Bahasa Arab 95 peratus sbgai bhasa perbualan!aku dah lah x mint ARAB!dulu kalau abah suruh prgi belajar negara Arab,mesti aku gelak2,ckp mustahil!aku yg byk kkurangan,x lyk ambil bhagian agama,tu lah yg ada jauh dlm sudut hati aku.rasa diri ni byk dosa,x lyk utk mmbimbing org lain

tetapi,sehebat-hebat perancangan kita,perancangan ALLAH lagi hebat!sape sngke,pergi Jordan pulak aku utk mlnjutkan pljrn,dlm bidg yg lain jgk la dr ape yg aku mint.mule2,hati ni mmbrontak.smpai skrg pun,adakalanya time sush,aku msih persoalkan kputusan aku bljr kt sini,biasalah manusia,time susah baru ingat ALLAH

rasa bersalah sbb aku slalu mrungut,mengatakan diri x mmpu,mnyesal je kerjanya dah smpai sini,pdhl x reti nk brsyukur
rmai org yg nk dtg cni x dpt peluang sama,rmai org x dpt smbung blaja sbb xde duit,aku lak sng2 je smbung blajar,free pulak tu.sometimes,mmg sush nk brsyukur,ckp sng nk buat tu susah

rasa byk sgt khilaf aku ni,dosa lg lah,jgn ckp,astaghfirullahalazim....
rasa bersalah buat umi and abah risau hari tu
rasa bersalah sbb asyk ckp mnyesal dan nk balik msia
rasa bersalah sbb slalu ckp xnk dduk cni lg
rasa bersalah sbb diri aku ni x hbis2 ulang mistake yg sama

please pray the best for me and insyaALLAH,because of ALLAH,i will try my best :)

wassalam...

random thoughts

salam...

sejak akhir2 ni krn x brape sibuk and exam pun x start lg maka kerap lah jugak aku mengupdate dgn tajuk yg super boring ni,'random thoughts'

haha,random la sangat,so nk bace silekan,xnk sudah!

1. time akhir kelas Mathematics for Economics and Business, doctor tibe2 ckp nk buat exam lg 2 minggu!what the papaya!haih,yg doctor ajar pun aku x phm,nk buat exam lak T_T

2. aku x taw knpe tapi aku rase aku cpt lapar la skrg.mcm baru je mkn 15 mnit yg lalu tp tibe2 da lapar balik.padahal aku mkn bace bismillah...pelik....

3. aku trkejut time teman makcik dayah pergi beli weinak td,tibe2 ader org peluk aku dari belakang.

aku baru nk karate ke silat time tu,terkejut bapak tp rupe2 nye rahil.haish,buat trkejut mak je =P

4. aku asyk brsedih 2,3 menjak ni disbbkan 2,3 bnde yg x dpt dielakkan.jd aku ngn rahil buat la sesi berpelukan kt bwh trowong tu smbil aku cite sikit2 probs yg mlanda.lawak weyh,buat drama swasta lak kt ctu

5. masih knpius nk balik msia bper lme and nk gune pnrbangan per,ish,mls r pikir bnde2 cmni sbnrnyer tp kne pikir gk @_@

6. serius aku da xtaw nk tulis per.baik aku wassalam b4 trus mngarut =D

sometimes we have to let go

salam..

recently i realized,that sometimes we have to face a really hard choice

and sometimes we have to let go,even though we love that thing so much

the more we love it,the more it destroys us.it usually happened like that

and we were always given a choice,a very hard one to choose

lately,i've been faced with a choice and it really broke my heart to make a choice

but it have to be make for my own good so i decided to do it but i cant lie that i'm not feeling sad

because the choice that i make,even think about it make my heart hurt ='(

maybe this is the best thing to do =)

think positive!

LET GO....

TIME WILL HEAL EVERYTHING,INSYAALLAH

I'M STRONG AND I KNOW I CAN DO IT

DONT STAY SAD..

INSYAALLAH,BIIZNILLAH

THIS IS THE BEST CHOICE

words dont come out but the heart does feel...

salam...
the second week of second sem has passed by,okay so far
so far so good,yeah,kinda but urghh,i dont like the fact that there is new building for Economic Faculty,so far away and on Monday and Wednesday,i have a class at Syariah Faculty straight after class at the so-called new Economic building
so after my Mathematical Economics class,i run like crazy to my next class and i arrived at the next class looking like crazy people *haha,my opinion only,other people dont even realize*

lately,i dont know why but my spirit is kinda down
i meant,i was always,i repeat,ALWAYS thinking about going back to Malaysia and just continue my study there.heh,silly thinking right?i was skyping*oho,skyping,new English term 0_o * with my mum and was telling her, 'i wanna go back,i dont like it here.if only i know,i would just continue my study in Malaysia* and my mum just keep silent and try to lift my spirit
i think i was being like GEDIK, i dont meant a thing that i said
i like Jordan,i do LIKE it.maybe because i'm not feeling well,and when u are far away from family,u are feeling like that
i'm afraid i'm making my mum worry with my constant whining =__='

yeah,on the outside,i seem strong but there is so many days and time when i feel like just giving up
stop doing what i'm doing now
sometimes i feel like screaming but in the end,i still move on
because i have faith,i have ISLAM,i have ALLAH and i have all people that love me by my side,always supporting me,alhamdulillah...

so,till we meet again!
wassalam....

another random thoughts

1. rasa marah mendadak tibe2 sbb rumete aku dpt prgi berjalan *padahal ke Irbid Mall je,whattheheck aku ni* and menyesal x ikut time dia ajak and sekarang tengah breakfast sambil tahan marah lagi and still rasa nak cakap,'what the heck,sabo la makcik'

2. baru lepas breakfast dengan Nesvita perasa coklat yang mak aku send aritu.nak cepat2 abiskan,xnk membazir

3. masih nak meneruskan study bab 1 utk subjek Madhol Ila Tasyri' yang asyik tertangguh,nampak sangat aku sangat pemalas T_T

4. masih risau dengan kawan2 dan kenalan dekat Mesir.risau keselamatan dorang,risau bile dorg dapat balik Jordan dan Malaysia.doa je lah carenye.RINDU korang sume sangat2!!!huhu...

5. asal bangunan baru kuliah iqtisod jauh sangat??asal x buat dekat Amman terus ke,lagi sonang idup den.haish.DONT LIKE betul lah

6. baru sedar umur aku dah 19 tahun 0_o aku dah tua yer semua orang!nenek aku dah ada 4 orang anak time ni ~_~

7. aku tibe2 terjumpa facebook abang angkat aku time form 2 dulu and dia kat Mesir sekarang.ahhh!! risau lg T_T

8. baik aku sambong study sekarang,lagi berfaedah.so bye~~

wassalam....

penat r camni

salam...

taw x aku penat ngn ape?penat nk jg hati org

but in the end,xde yg jg hati aku pun

i do appreciate my friends tp sometimes,they are just asking to much from me

and sometimes,aku rase brsalah sbb always buat kwn aku trasa

and aku x taw dorg trasa

and then aku rasa bersalah

and aku x suke

and then jd cmni

and aku rasa nk balik je malaysia

and just say bye2 je la kt korg

ps:this thing is making me homesick,AGAIN!!!

sory,this time byk prkataan 'and' dan 'rasa'

pissed off =='

salam...

*ok,i still didnt forget to give my salam even though i'm totally pissed off right now*

sorry,i didnt mean to make a big fuse about what i'm feeling because it's not like anyone would care right but it's just that...i dont know.i have a really nagging pissed off feeling today,since afternoon.

ok,to be honest,i do know the reason why i'm feeling like this but cant write it down

many peoples have started reading my blog and some things are better left unsaid especially here*ahem*

i'm pissed off with so many things,like the fact that our hostel's internet is so damn slow*ok,sorry,bad word there* and urghh,i dont know,maybe everything in between

sorry,just this morning i post about being grateful and such and truth is,i really am GRATEFUL

it's just that,i'm a human,there are times when i'm angry,pissed off,bad mood etc etc...

but dont worry,i dont even show my mood in front of my friends.nobody know except me ;)

ok,feeling better now.writing our feeling is a very good theraphy :D

ps:maybe i will go to JUST tomorrow.but wanna ask more people to join me.Yarmouk's students to be precise.hmmm....wanna go or not???

aku adalah aku

salam...xtaw per mkne tjuk post di atas sbnrnye,tiada tujuan

2,3 hari lepas,sgt2 la sdih thp gaban mcm kmatian suami

sbbnyer,dr mansur da bg markah Ulum Quran

dan mrkh sgt x best =='

x tipu dan tiade unsur hiperbola di sini

ni sume trjd bkn sbb x study tp sbb tbe2 tr'blank' time exam

siyes,mmg x tipu

blank dlm erti kate sbnrnyer iaitu x dpt ingt paper pn

wpun kwn2 cbe tngkan,aku mcm nk ckp je,

'korg xde kt tmpt aku,klu korg jd cmtu,korg pn msti sdih kan??kan??'

aku rse brslh kt parents

rse mcm ank yg x bgus

parents ari2 doakan,aku lak bg mrkah x best dlm exam

after a while,da brtng

final da dkt,kne buat da best!

rndu kt family~~

ps:tbe2 rse xnk ambk soifi

nk blek msia lmer2 sket :D 

nk mntk dr mnsur markah lbih

doa2 dpt~

wassalam....

kuatkan semangat aku yg semakin rapuh ni...

semakin hari,semakin lemah semangat yg ada

hari2 diteruskan dengan berbekalkan semangat yg tipis

niat krn ALLAH dan ibu bapa yg mmberikan harapan

selain tu,xde...

KOSONG

sehinggakan sering tertanya2

'betul ke keputusan aku ni?'

i didnt do it for myself but for others and in the time of hardship like this,i dont know where to turn or lean on

ALLAH,helps me,gives me spirit to move on...

insyaALLAH